Jack Bauer gets played by no man
- If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
- When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
- Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
- Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's ****ing beef.
- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ****ing hates lemonade.
- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
- Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
- Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
- Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
- When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
- Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
- There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.